If Your Workout Type Had a Dating Profile – What Would It Say?

Let’s be honest—your workout routine says a lot about you. If it had a dating profile, would it be a perfect match or a red flag? Are you committed, or do you ghost key exercises the moment things get serious? Let’s break down the dating app bios of your favorite workout types and see which one you’re swiping right on.

I'm totally shooting from the hip. Educated guess on my part since I've been married for about 27 years and we didn't have, "the google," or dating apps.

💪 Workout Type - Strength Training – “I lift heavy, eat protein, and will never ghost you.”

What it says about you: You’re disciplined, you are incredibly good looking, reliable, and always looking to improve. You show up consistently, focus on progressive overload, and probably own more shaker bottles than shoes. (I don't think this applies to me or Carlo. We have a lot of shoes) Your hands also look like you've been laying bricks for about 50 years and lotion has never met the surface of your hands.

The Pros:

✔ Will make you stronger, more resilient, more good looking and feel like a superhero. Maybe not a superhero, but good looking for sure.

✔ Encourages consistency, patience, and real progress.

✔ You can eat a ridiculous amount of food guilt-free as long as it's high protein.

The Red Flags:

🚩 You think mobility is a scam until your shoulders disagree.

🚩 You occasionally skip cardio like it’s an ex you’re avoiding or the cardio involves burpees.

🚩 You feel personally attacked when someone asks, “Do you even stretch?” Of couse I stretched, didn't you see me do my pre-bench routine? That's stretching. There's really only one person that never gets that question. I don't want to name any names but Kyle really comes to mind when I think stretching.

🏃‍♂️ Workout Type - Cardio – “I love long runs on the beach but I know I’m a red flag.”

Seriously, who runs on the beach? Only good looking guys like Unlce T or White Chocolate run on the beach. Think short shorts, no shirt, beach and many people staring.

What it says about you: You enjoy suffering, wake up way too early, and think sweating for hours is “fun.” Which, for anyone wondering, it is FUN. You either love your heart health (and I love my heart health) or hate yourself a little—sometimes both.

The Pros:

✔ Great for endurance, heart health, and sweating out bad decisions.

✔ Gets you mentally tough (because sprints are just legalized torture).

✔ You can outrun zombies in the apocalypse (probably).

The Red Flags:

🚩 You brag about your resting heart rate. 52, my resting heart rate is 52. That's not bragging, it's a fact. It really is 52.

🚩 You judge people who “just lift”.

🚩 You say “runner’s high” is real, but everyone knows you’re lying. Even though I'm not lying, it's for sure real.

🧘‍♂️ Workout Type - Mobility & Recovery – “You never text me back, but we both know you need me.”

What it says about you: You’re the responsible one in the group chat. You enjoy long stretches, foam rolling, and calling people out for bad posture.

The Pros:

✔ Keeps your joints healthy and your lifts strong.

✔ Helps you move better for longer (so you can still touch your toes at 80), maybe you can't see your toes because of your stomach but hey, at least you can touch your toes.

✔ Prevents injuries, which means you don’t have to skip the gym. Unfortunately, a lot of the mobility and recovery influencers out there also look like they only do mobility and recovery which is why they are never really injured.

The Red Flags:

🚩 People only come to you when they’re already broken.

🚩 You get way too excited about a good deep squat hold.

🚩 You’ve started too many conversations with, “Have you ever tried yoga?” My answer, no thanks, I'd rather run.

🏋️‍♂️ Workout Type - CrossFit & HIIT – “I like my workouts like my redbull fancy drink from some coffee shop: intense and borderline dangerous.”

What it says about you: You love pushing your limits and feeling like you might die by the end of a workout. Heart palpitations are only a signal to keep you going or that it's time for another drink. You thrive on competition, and rest days are for the weak.

The Pros:

✔ Builds explosive power, endurance, and mental toughness.

✔ Never boring—workouts are constantly varied.

✔ Can outwork almost anyone in a fitness challenge. Sometimes it's at the cost of proper form or bracing but boy are you going fast.

The Red Flags:

🚩 You think “AMRAP until failure” is a fun idea.

🚩 You’re one injury away from rethinking your life choices.

🚩 You talk about your WOD times like they’re stock market prices.

🚩 You have scheduled chiropractic appointments weekly

💀 Workout Type - The "I’ll Just Wing It" Workout – “I show up, do some stuff, and leave. It’s fine.”

What it says about you: You have zero commitment issues because you never actually commit to a plan. One day it’s bench press, the next it’s treadmill sprints, and somehow you end every session on your phone for 20 minutes posting about your gym routine.

The Pros:

✔ You at least showed up, so that’s something.

✔ You have freedom to do whatever feels good.

✔ Sometimes, you accidentally get stronger without realizing it.

The Red Flags:

🚩 No progress, no structure, no consistency.

🚩 You’ve hit a plateau and don’t know why.

🚩 Your workouts are basically just social hour at the gym.

🚩 You constantly ask people for advice always saying you keep going but nothing is working but you have yet to implement any sort of plan.

🚩 You wear tank tops to show off your incredibly swole upper body but have to wear pants to cover the toothpicks holding everything up.

Final Thoughts: Who Are You Swiping Right On?

• If you want long-term commitment and real results → Strength Training ✅

• If you love pain and running from your problems (literally) → Cardio ✅

• If you actually want to move well and stay injury-free → Mobility & Recovery ✅

• If you want to feel near-death but also accomplished → CrossFit & HIIT ✅

• If you love chaos and just doing whatever → The “I’ll Just Wing It” Routine ✅

Whatever you choose, just stick with it, have a plan, and don’t ghost the workouts that actually help you long-term. Even cardio deserves some love (cardio done correctly).

The best part about this list? You don't have to think about any of those things because we incorporate it all in different phases so we have well rounded athletes. We have no one at this gym that just "wings" it. Well some us did wing it during those Matrix Lunges. 9 per side, 18 total lunges and yet so hard to explain in person.

See you in the gym, Legion! 💪🔥